TSA tries to be funny

Here is a double standard for you. Don't try to make a joke, especially not one about guns or bombs, at the airport. We all know that doing so will result in jail time, fines, and tons of nasty treatment. TSA it seems, hates jokes. But only if you, the passenger, about to be treated like a criminal -guilty until proven innocent- try to make light of the ridiculous situation.

TSA itself has no problem making fun of you. They love to tell jokes. They must know the joke is on us and what better way to show who's in charge than to make fun of the people who are about to have their privacy invaded, and now thanks to amazing technology, their privates exposed. TSA apparently thinks this is all very funny, and not only do they have screeners making bad jokes and thereby delaying everyone, but TSA has gone to a full media assault using videos to make fun of passengers trying to get their luggage on a plane.

At a recent TSA checkpoint that uses the new naked scanners, one bright officer thought it was very funny to tell people over and over again to empty their pants. He reminded everyone to remove everything from their pockets. Don't leave any nuts in your pockets because we will see them, he said with a big smile on his face. Now how is that for a good joke?

TSA also showed videos of clowns trying to get past security with overloaded packs. Don't these idiots know that one is only allowed one tiny bag, containing no dangerous liquids -water comes to mind- or other subversive materials like toothpaste and mouthwash? That is exactly how TSA sees the traveling public, a bunch of morons who don't understand the important security measures that keep our skies safe.

The reality is a bit different. Time and time again tests have shown the incompetence of the screening process. People get past the elaborate security charade with all its scanners, X ray machines, and magic wands, with knives, ice picks and other forbidden items. Meanwhile busy TSA officers stop moms with babies to look for explosives in sippy cups. Elderly people are searched while those in wheelchairs create traffic jams at the magnetic scanners. All of it in the name of no profiling. No wonder TSA thinks the whole process is one big joke!

voyeurism

Both Britain and the US are very sexually uptight. While TV overflows with images of carnage and violence, even a hint of wardrobe malfunction evokes a storm of protest, government intervention and high fines. A friend of mine once said, "it's OK to shoot hundreds of people, but god forbid one is naked. That would be horrible!"

In the US it is perfectly acceptable for kids to watch people being butchered or blown to pieces, but revealing a breast is believed to corrupt them in unacceptable ways. Although superbowl games have tons of commercials with violence, Janet's wardrobe malfunction provoked an outcry from concerned citizens warning that "young kids watch these games."

Britain and the US are amongst the most voyeuristic countries. Telescope sales are very high in the US, but most buyers are not amateur astronomers. Most live in cities where stargazing is not an option given the high levels of light pollution. Both countries are also in love with so-called reality TV and internet streaming video that documents every move subjects take. People simply can't get enough of watching what others are doing. Especially when spiced up with a bit of conflict, strife, or mishap. A bit of hyper-realism that is all too familiar for the producers of such shows. They make sure the well watched subjects are sufficiently stressed to make the show appetizing. Esp. since it is forbidden to show what everyone really wants to see: a bit of flesh.

The UK has more "security" cameras than any other country in the world. The average British citizen, going about their everyday business in the city, gets captured more than 5 times a day by public security cameras. The US is rapidly following suit. Cities everywhere are installing cameras, listening devices and other spy equipment. The rationale is always the same: to improve security. It is a good excuse. Research in cities like San Francisco has shown that street cameras do little to deter crime, and given how understaffed the police departments are, do next to nothing to lead to convictions. It is much better to have a few police officers walk the neighborhood. But that too is not allowed in a country where cars are king. Driving through is so much more high tech and so much easier, both for the police and for the criminals.

What happens with all those cameras? A few studies have shown what we all suspect: the images either go unwatched or officers use cameras to spy on attractive sexy young people, especially women. Such study results are always vehemently challenged by authorities. Just like in the infamous Abu Graib case, these are "isolated incidents" and the "perpetrators will face swift justice." Do you really believe this nonsense?

Hold on, because today is a great day for high tech voyeurs. The BBC reports that Manchester Airport just installed a new generation of "naked" scanners. These machines will speed up security checks by quickly revealing concealed weapons or explosives. They will also expose you to "safe" levels of radiation. All of that to clearly show breast enlargements, body (read nipple) piercings, and a clear black and white outline of people's genitals. But wait a minute. It is all for a good cause.

Besides the airport spokeperson was quick to point out that these images are "not erotic or pornographic." Right!

I strongly suspect some people will take a bit longer to scan and some may even be required to submit to a second pass. You can probably guess why. We need to make sure these dangerous individuals with their enlarged breasts are not hiding explosives on their bodies.

One can never be too sure and when it comes to safety. I am sure we all understand what is at stake here.