relativity and the mating dance

So you thought the size of your paycheck makes you happy? Wrong. Brain imagers now have definite proof of what we all knew to be true: what makes you happy is that you earn more than your peers. The study was published in Science magazine.

What is clearly shown is that the relative size of your pay compared to others is what matters. And that makes a great deal of sense. The money has little or no absolute value. There are only so many things you can buy that truly benefit you or that you can truly enjoy. No matter how rich you are, you can only sit in one chair at once.

But you can buy unlimited numbers of chairs to show off. You can engage in the never ending arms race to outdo your neighbors and friends with ever more and bigger gadgets. And in doing so you can imagine yourself ranking higher than them. And that should make you more desirable to the opposite sex, or at least so your brain is wired to respond.

There are various ranking systems that people employ. Being extraordinarily gifted in one area or another is usually a ticket to success. Although there are no guarantees, people with exceptional athletic and other skills have a high probability of getting there. But this method is limited to those lucky enough to have such skills. And the fall-off from the top is incredibly steep. 

Acquiring cool stuff is often seen as a method accessible to all. Although this method too requires special skills for great success, there are more winners here. The fall-off is not nearly as steep. And this is one method strongly encouraged in our society. We built what is in essence a big and complex Ponzi scheme although few recognize it as such. One reason may be that the ones who are left to hold the empty promises are usually living in another (poor) country. But that is another story.

While essentially adaptive, this ranking game has a huge unfortunate consequence. Millions are trapped into its addictive web, endlessly pressing levers for a brief moment of joy. And while they can't or won't ever stop, few of them seem really happy doing what they are doing. 

I am sure you have seen the pictures of long lines of people standing out in the cold waiting for the stores to open early on Black Friday. And the resulting pushing and shoving to get in the door. But what is inside that is really so attractive to them ? The chance to outdo the others and score a useless big bargain. And the unconscious gratification signal deep in their brains that results from thinking they moved up another notch. Pressing the lever one more time.